Hockey Slang Dictionary (last updated 9/30)

Apple - an assist. Hey ref, I got the apple on that one.

Bar Down - shooting the puck off the crossbar of the goal and into the net. I went backhand bar down on the breakaway. Alliteration sure is fun.

Barn Burner - an exciting, usually high scoring game. Every playoff game between the Flyers and Penguins is a barn burner.

Bender - a terrible hockey player. Derived from the bend in the ankles of players who cannot skate well. Coach put Danny on the fourth line because he's a fucking bender.

Beauty - someone who is awesome (this is a horrible definition. Poor effort on my part). That model tried to blackmail Jags and he gave zero fucks, what a fucking beauty. 

Buddy - literally every male person.  Hey buddy toss me another Labatt, this one's emptier than Jeremy Roenick's trophy case.

Compete Level - intangible, indescribable player trait lauded by coaches. A player's compete level can range anywhere from Zach Parise to Alex Ovechkin.

Dangles - the ability to fake a defender or goaltender out and get around them. Pavel Datsyuk still has the dirtiest dangles in the league, even though he's an absolute fossil.


Donnybrook - a brawl; sometimes refers to a single fight. And we have ourselves a donnybrook here at the Spectrum tonight as the benches clear!


Dummy - to hit a player really hard, usually leading to unconsciousness. The player getting hit looks like a crash test dummy. If that kid comes across the middle with his head down again, I'm gonna dummy him. 

Duster - a player who never gets to play, he just sits on the bench gathering dust. That duster hasn't seen the ice since training camp. 

Fishbowl - this type of face protection. How do you breath with your head stuck in that fishbowl bud?

Flow - great hockey hair, generally in the form of a mullet. Erik Karlsson has some of the best flow in the league. 

Fossil - an extremely old player, who may or may not be washed up. Jaromir Jagr is an absolute fossil, but he's still a fuckin beauty. 

Gino - a goal. Or as a verb, the act of scoring a goal (to gino). My first gino of the year went in off my shin pad. Pretty brutal.

not to be confused with:

Geno - Pittsburg Penguins center Evgeni Malkin. Morning boys. Fuck you Geno.

Grocery Stick - the guy who never sees the ice and sits between the forwards and defensemen. Jesus Christ, Sergei, stop on one fucking puck or I'll make you the damn grocery stick. 

Hoser - Clark will explain.

Lumber - a hockey stick. Donnie really gave that guy the lumber on that slash.

Oliver Textman-Larsson - see Ron Textall.

Plug - another term meaning a terrible hockey player. You're a fucking plug. (I don't feel like writing a clever one. You get the idea.)

Pylon - a defenseman that has the skill level of a traffic cone; easy to skate around. I can't believe the fucking pylon Dion Phaneuf is the captain of the Maple Leafs.

Ron Textall - your buddy who is constantly texting. Play on words with former NHL goalie/current Flyers GM Ron Hextall. Jesus Ron Textall get off your phone and find a girl to wheel.

Sauce - a pass made in the air, making the puck look like a flying saucer. Our goalie's got sauce like Brodeur.

Twig - another word for hockey stick. Did you see Smitty snap his twig on that one-t? Cryin' shame.

Waffleboard - a goalie's blocker. *Doc voice* "WAFFLEBOARDED AWAY, MY GOODNESS!."

Walk - to get around a defender with a sick dangle. Nathan MacKinnon absolutely walked that guy.

Wheeling - either a) the act of skating up with ice with the puck, looking to make a play or, b) the act of pursuing/getting with girls. Let's hit the bar tonight, I'm trying to wheel. 
         
               Square Wheels - having no luck/ability in pursuing/getting with girls. Ricky can't talk to                     girls for shit. Kids got the squarest wheels I've ever seen.